How should I handle my emotional grieving process?
At some point in our lives, almost all of us have experienced a breakup. That heartbreak that seems to shatter everything we thought was solid leaves us faced with an inevitable decision: move on or heal? The answer is not as simple as it sounds, and while both are necessary, the order in which we address them can make a big difference in how we feel in the long run.
Some people choose to move on quickly. “A nail drives out another nail,” right? Well, sometimes that second nail just drives itself deeper. Moving on without healing often leads us to drag old wounds into our new relationships, projecting our unresolved fears and pain onto people who, in reality, have nothing to do with our past experiences.
On the other hand, there are those who focus on healing first. They take the time to look inward, understand what went wrong (and not just from the other person's point of view, but from their own), and heal the scars. This process can be painful, but it has a profound purpose: that of rebuilding ourselves from a new, stronger and more secure foundation.
However, healing is not synonymous with staying stuck. It is not the kind of pause that paralyzes, but rather an active pause for reflection, self-knowledge and personal growth. Therefore, although healing may seem like a longer and more difficult process, it is also the one that bears the most fruit when it comes to moving forward, now in a genuine and healthy way.
Why is it so hard for us to choose to heal?
One of the reasons we prefer to jump straight to “moving forward” is that healing involves facing our own demons: insecurities, traumas, or unmet expectations. Sometimes we don’t want (or don’t know how) to look inward, and we prefer to distract ourselves with something new. But the truth is, without that introspection, we run the risk of repeating harmful patterns, without realizing it.
Move forward or heal? What should you do?
The truth is that both steps are important, but the order does matter. Moving forward after you've healed ensures that you're not looking for in someone else what you should be finding in yourself. Once you heal, you become more aware of what you want and need in a relationship, and you open yourself up to connecting from a more fulfilling place.
If you are in this dilemma, I invite you to reflect on your current situation:
- Are you looking to fill a void or do you really feel ready to move forward?
- Have you taken the time to process what you experienced and learn from it?
Take the time you need, because your emotional well-being deserves it.
Do you want to delve deeper into this topic?
We recommend listening to the episode “ Healing vs. Moving Forward? ” from our podcast Evolving Among Paradoxes . There, we address this dilemma in more detail and talk about how to identify when it’s time to heal and when it’s time to move on. It’s like a chat between friends that will help you put things into perspective!
Press play here : Listen to the episode
Remember: moving forward without healing is like trying to run with a wounded leg. You can do it, but the road will be much harder. Wouldn't it be better to heal that wound first so you can fully enjoy the journey?